I bought, and we imbibed, an Australian red-wine last night, namely a bottle of Brookfield Cabernet Sauvignon. It was reasonable enough, for being a cheap and cheerful wine, but its characteristics are not why I write. No, it is rather the blurb on the back that caught my attention

Please note: the following is quoted and has not been tampered with in any way.

Brookfield, a large reserve in Australia protects native scrubland and its inhabitants including the unique Red Mallee eucalypt tree, prolific bird life and the much loved Hairy-nosed Wombat, Fat-tailed Dunnart and Red Kangaroo.

More than the excruciatingly bad punctuation-usage, which can be likened to having one’s eyes lightly shredded with a cheese-grater, I was forced to read through a number of times, becoming more intrigued by the list of fauna and wildlife the region boasts. So much, in fact, that I felt the need to educate myself.

First off, the Red Mallee, seemingly (according, at least, to Google picture-search) noteable more for its use in the making of ornaments than in its natural form. Something, I’m sure, the Red Mallee would have a few choice words to say about, given the chance (and a mouth).

Next, the “much-loved” Hairy-nosed Wombat. Looks like a wombat, of course, though I’m unsure of its hirsute nomenclature, since the pictures I’ve seen unwisely lack nasal focus, but I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

For scientific purposes, though, a picture of a Common Wombat may assist in lessening sceptisism:

Hmmm, not convinced. I believe wholeheartedly that the former wombat is hairy, in general, but to say the Hairy-nosed Wombat has more hair on its nose than its body is a statement I’m not minded to concur with.

If I were to see a wombat strolling nonchalantly (and it would) down the road towards my local supermarket, I’d be unable to classify it, of that I’m sure.

Okay, then, I’m none the wiser, so let’s sally forth.

The Fat-tailed Dunnart. This picture cleary shows what I believe to be a dunnart, with an unmistakeably tubby appendage. I’ve seen pictures of the boring variety and am ready to bet a substantial amount of money that I could, eight times out of ten, identify the two sub-species.

And thus ends my exploration of wine-bottle labels for now. Notice that the Red Kangaroo has not been mentioned, since anything that is deemed a pest by its human co-inhabitants cannot have any significant worth. Oh, except that kangaroos’ scrotum is located far ahead of the penis, almost in the middle of the belly.