I was on my way to Gröna Lund today (a fair in Stockholm) with my family and a friend of ours, Debbie. We took the underground first, and then a bus. The bus was crammed with passengers, warm, and moving very slowly at times. About ten minutes into the journey I started to have feelings of discomfort. They became more pronounced until, a few minutes later, I had to descend the bus and walk to my destination.

I had just had the beginnings of a panic attack, something I hadn’t had for a long time. It has come out of the blue and it left me feeling slightly worried. I reckon this is a one-off attack brought on by the unusual situation I found myself in, but what if it is something more serious, more permanent?

NB I have just read that panic attacks are more common in people who have a pollen allergy. Interestingly, I am pretty certain that I have developed an allergy to pollen over the years, and I have had some pretty heavy allergy-like symptoms the previous days. Maybe my attack was not as unexpected as I thought.

I didn’t even know until Josefin told me earlier this evening. I have little time to dedicate to reading the news, for the most part a depressing pastime. I eschewed the Swedish press a number of years ago (except the occasional glance), confident in the fact that I would be no worse off for being ignorant.

I’ll no doubt take a look at the BBC site over the next day, to see how things are going and (probably) disparage the British population for its choice of politics. Still, it’ll keep me happy.

Over a month has gone since my last entry. Every time I start up Firefox I am reminded of my inability to update the blog. I have things that I’d like to write, but I am simply uninspired or unwilling to spare the time to do it. Which is a shame because the whole jonjo thing is mainly for my daughters’ sake.

In my defence I have been keeping myself busy. Having two offspring is a worthwhile expenditure of time which does take up a fair slice of of, what would otherwise be, free time. And then the writing of school books has demanded a certain amount of my consideration. Tidying up also detracts my attention from inscription. Honestly, by the time I could be doing what I’m doing now, I’m usually ready to lounge with a glass or two of red wine.

But tonight I am without alcohol, with nothing on TV to jostle for my attention, and without any school-book writing to do. I finished proof-reading the second book yesterday. I await further instructions from my editor – I expect few – and so I am freed of one obligation.

I have been better at organising myself of late. With the thought of all the things I needed to do (or should be doing) constantly eating away at my stress level, I finally reached a point where I told myself that I required alleviation. My new routines are far from perfect and still need working on. I still feel unnecessary stress at certain points throughout the day. In general, though, there has been an improvement.

The next step in getting my life in order should logically be a restructuring of the evenings. These are the most valuable moments during the day, and could be where I become efficient enough to make a huge difference. All it requires is a modicum of self-discipline. Hmm, not sure I lke the sound of that.